This is a guest post written by my excellent colleague and dear friend, Suzanne Giesemann.
“I’m disappointed.” Those were the first words out of my sitter’s mouth at the end of a session I did this morning. I had just finished channeling her husband’s messages in his own words, answering the two questions she wanted own words, answering the two questions she wanted to know in words that were clearly not my own. The husband in spirit had done an outstanding job of providing many details about himself along with things that are going on with the family now to show that his death was not the end of his existence.
So why was the sitter disappointed? In spite of many pieces of accurate evidence that yes, I was indeed communicating with her husband, she had “prayed and prayed to hear ‘the one thing’” that would convince her that her husband was present.
Oh, my. Deep breath time. I have to remind myself that most people don’t understand how spirit communication works. But wait! Didn’t I have this clearly explained on my website under, “What to Expect in a Reading”? Here’s an excerpt:
Those in spirit know the kind of evidence I hope to hear from them, including who they are, how they died, what kind of work they did, specific memories, and a long list of other details that will make it clear that they are with us in the room. The information often comes through in scattered bits, and it can be like piecing together a puzzle. Please do not let the outcome of the reading depend upon hearing “the one thing” that will convince you that your loved one is present. It may not be possible for them to get certain details through. Trust me that they will do their best to let you know they are with you, but expectations about specific things they can get through may be unrealistic and leave you disappointed. Like a radio station, a medium is able to tune in to certain frequencies better than others. Those on the other side will get through everything they are able to. At times information is withheld if it serves a purpose not to share it or if they are not ready to share it.
I gave my all for that woman’s reading. The husband did his part in spades. My immediate reaction at her disappointment was intense irritation. “Didn’t you hear all that evidence? This is not like picking up a telephone!” and then I caught my human side rearing up due to my own disappointment that she would never be satisfied. I took a few deep breaths and reminded myself that I was dealing with someone who was in great pain.
I sent the sitter my love, and then I sent a text and vented all over my friend, evidential medium Susanne Wilson. It’s such a gift to have a sounding board who understands this unusual line of work that neither of us ever expected to be doing. Susanne has been there/done that with sitters who weren’t going to be satisfied unless they heard “the one thing.”
Her reply immediately brought me back to center: “I think there were no instructions you could possibly have given up front that would have led to this person being satisfied. Even if her husband went along and delivered the exact words she wanted, a week, or a month, or 6 months from now there would be a new “exact words” she needs to hear. That’s why those in spirit often refuse to play the ‘code words’ game.”
Wow. Instant “Aha!” moment. Thank you, Susanne! I’ve had numerous experiences of those on the other side withholding certain pieces of evidence for a reason. Could it be, as Susanne added in a later text, that the spirit community does not want to create co-dependency or excessive emotional or psychological reliance on those in spirit?
I had agreed to do this session at no charge only six months after the initial session with this sitter because of the depths of her grief. I usually ask people to wait at least a year for a repeat reading, if I do a repeat session at all, because so many others are waiting for the experience of connecting with their loved ones who have passed. The goal of mediumship is to show the continuity of consciousness, and we had clearly done that in the first sitting. I now see that I had enabled her.
At first I felt sorry for the husband in spirit who tried so hard, only to have his wife left disappointed that I couldn’t get “the one thing.” Now I realize that he isn’t disappointed at all. He made his presence known and expressed his love beautifully. From his higher perspective in the spirit world, he knows that his wife is on her own soul’s journey. Each of us grieves in our own way, and our challenges often lead to some of our soul’s greatest growth.
If “the one thing” a sitter wants to hear doesn’t come through in a session, is it the medium’s fault, a poor connection, or a deliberate act of love from the other side? I don’t know. There are many things I won’t know until I get to the other side. All I can do is keep working on fine-tuning my antenna and overriding those reactions that come from being a soul in a human being’s suit.
When I recognize my ego flaring up (Ego is the default position in us humans, so it never completely goes away), and I rise above my human disappointment and irritation, what is left? That’s easy: compassion. I feel the greatest compassion for my sitter’s pain, but I know that each of us grows through our trials. Dealing with sitters’ expectations and not getting knocked off center is clearly a challenge for me to address with that pesky ego, so I will work on that.
I’m so very grateful for each piece of evidence that does come through this “instrument,” whether or not it’s “the one thing.” It’s the most awesome, humbling feeling to sit with someone grieving the passing of a loved one and have that spirit say or show something through me that I couldn’t possibly know about them. Those pieces of a puzzle that reveal a loved one’s presence bring healing and comfort beyond measure. They say, “I’m right here with you. I haven’t left you at all, and you will see me again.” Taken all together, the evidence shows us that love never dies.
Wow. That’s it: “Love never dies.” That’s the ultimate message of this work as a medium, isn’t it? So, Susanne and I, and every other medium who isn’t satisfied unless we get verifiable evidence when we serve spirit do, indeed, get “the one thing” every time.
I am so grateful.