I have been wanting to say: I didn’t make it to dinner with you guys, or to the party after the event, because I was in horrible physical pain. But I was ashamed to admit to my pain. You might judge me and think I was lazy.
Recently, I have decided to let people know that I am not physically very well. And I have heard from strangers who are grateful to know they aren’t walking the pain path alone.
For most of my life, I thought I was clumsy. My legs and feet seemed to have a mind of their own and they turned the wrong way and bam! I would have broken toes, or a sprained ankle, or crushed foot bones.
My veins are bizarrely hidden or even worse, they have twice formed dangerous blood clots. One blood clot cut off blood flow to my colon. Fortunately, I went to the hospital quickly and lost only a small part of my colon.
My teeth are literally moving targets. The tissue around my teeth isn’t as strong as it should be. I have had dental nightmares that are unbelievable.
I have joints that sublex, meaning spasm and dislocate, spontaneously. The bones in my neck have moved around to the point that it’s a wonder I can hold my head up. Some mornings, I have to get my jaw unlocked before I can speak.
I spent nearly six figures on alternative health treatments in less than five years, only to realize that old-school anesthetics work best for me. Everyone with collagen and immune system disorders is slightly different, so if naturopathy and acupuncture worked for you, great. But not for me.
Several of my relatives have these disorders far worse than I do!
However, I have found many gifts in having chronic physical pain. First, I take absolutely nothing for granted. For me, teaching is my reason for being on Earth. To teach all day is a great gift, even if it means I will hurt worse that night and the next day or two.
Second, I have learned to pace and prioritize; my project management skills have become excellent.
Because I must be judicious with my energies and efforts, I have become quite focused. I refuse to attend a meeting that doesn’t have an agenda or isn’t absolutely necessary.
I am liberated from any temptation to chase after fame and in fact, I don’t want to be famous. Not one teensy bit. I only wish to finish my greater work before I leave here.
I appreciate those rare moments that I forget about pain. Lately I’ve had more of those moments, so I am going to focus on gratitude for that.
Life is still worth living, even when chronic pain is ever present. I have learned to trust that this suffering must surely be in the service to my soul’s growth, or the growth of another, even though I won’t realize the details until I return to Heavenly home.
I still have living to do. So do you! I know this is true because you and I are still here!
Susanne Wilson is a scientifically authenticated medium, and an author and teacher.